Prologue

Sometimes it hurts so much I suffocate.
Most of the time I just feel empty and numb.
How can I still think about him almost six years on?
How can I still remember every detail of his face?

Every crinkle around his sparkling, smiling eyes.
Every vein in his outstretched olive-skinned hand.
Every little scar, that told a story I never got to hear.

We didn’t exchange many words.
But in the silence, we knew everything.
The Unspoken is sometimes the loudest of all.

I trusted him with my life.
I think the night he fell in love with me,
Was as I stood there with blood on my hands.
The taste and smell of iron filled the room.
But we were happy.

So many memories, that cease to fade.
Simple, stolen moments no one else knew.
Playing pool, him showing me how.
His body pressed up against mine.
Wrapped up, safe in his arms.

Watching stars fall out of the skies.

I think about the first time I met him.
All those glances that we stole.
Back to him my heart went skipping.
He made me whole.

But since then, my heart is heavy.
A piece of it I left behind.
I have become a pale imitation of myself.
I have lost myself in dreaming.

Six years on and still lonely.
I try my best to make him disappear.
Some things you can’t forget.
Even when they say it wasn’t real.

He’s so red in the eyes.
The whiskey has whisked him away.
I was a temporary cure.
But I wasn’t enough.

I’m not sure what I know.
But it always comes back to him.
So many places we never went.

They say it turned out for the best.
But if the best is for the best,
Then the best can be damned.